I decided to get a breast augmentation (breast enhancement, boob job, whatever you would like to call it), & it was easily one of the hardest’s decisions I’ve ever had to make.
Ever since I can remember, I’ve been dealing with this lovely little thing called Blood-injection-injury phobia. What that basically means is that I have a crazy, irrational fear of needles, medical procedures, doctor’s offices, etc. So for me, just going in for a regular check up my anxiety level goes through the roof, my entire body gets clammy & sweaty, & sometimes I’ll even pass out. Usually when I do pass out, I either wake up with a severe migraine &/or heavy nausea & start getting sick pretty violently. It’s really not fun for me or whoever is taking care of my pathetic ass at the time. It’s very hard to try & keep myself calm & level headed during this, I’ve been trying to work on it for a long time. Because unfortunately, Im going to need to go to the doctor’s for the rest of my life & there’s nothing I can do about it.
So for me to WILLINGLY agree to do this was huge.
I did lots of research to try to find the best doctor’s for my needs. I had made a few consultation appointments, but my first consultation had me pretty much sold; that was with Beverly Hills Plastic Surgery Group.
The moment I walked in , Brittney, the Patient Care Coordinator, welcomed me with open arms & tried making me feel as comfortable as possible. I explained to her my anxiety issues, & how this was a huge step for me. She listened to everything I said & completely understood. She then brought in Dr. Danielpour & Dr. Layke. She had explained to them my anxiety issues/ concerns & they reassured me that it was perfectly normal but that they would take good care of me.
We then discussed what size I was hoping to achieve. They had me put on a surgical bra & try on different implant sizes. When I looked in the mirror, I was amazed at how beautiful I felt. Not just beautiful, feminine. For the first time in my life I was able to look in the mirror & feel feminine. At that moment I knew that this is what I wanted.
For those of you wondering, I went from an A cup to a full B/ small C. We had decided on going in through the areola, along the outside. I wanted the least amount scarring & for it to be hidden as much as possible, so this was the perfect option for me.
So I grabbed my lady balls, & decided to move forward with the procedure. They went ahead & scheduled my Pre-Op for the following week & my surgery the week after that.
The fact that it was happening all so soon had my mind spinning. I still couldn’t believe I was going to go through with this.
My Pre-Op went pretty smoothly; I think because I was so excited about my breasts, I was able to find my Zen while they were doing blood-work on me. They followed up with the surgery 6 days later.
We booked a hotel room for the night before that was within walking distance of the facility. My anxiety was messing with me on & off all that day & I knew it was going to be difficult to get some rest. But after midnight I finally drifted off, giving me about 6 hours of sleep.
I arrived there at 7 am for an 8 am start. I got suited up & ready to go. My Anesthesiologist ran about an hour late, so the waiting kinda raised my anxiety. But once he arrived I was able to settle down. He put the IV in & was pretty gentle. They turned on some music to help lighten & relax my mood. & then the anesthesia must have hit me.
To be honest, it was almost like I closed my eyes for 10 min & then I woke up. They say usually patients don’t even remember waking up or leaving the facility. When I woke up I immediately realized it was fucking over & I had boobs. So I was all bright eyed & bushy tailed. They were all surprised that I was so awake & peppy. I mean I still felt a little groggy & couldn’t move too much but the excitement that I had actually completed the surgery had me in such a good mood. I’ve never felt so proud of myself for being able to go through with all this.
The two days following after my surgery were a bit rough. I was prescribed Norcos & Xanax to ease my pain & anxiety. My breasts were very tender & I had no idea how often you use your chest muscles for normal everyday tasks. I felt pretty pathetic not being able to do much lol. But by the 3rd day my tenderness had eased quite bit & I was able to start feeling like a normal person again.
So why am I writing this; why not just act like it never happened & brush it off? Well everyone’s going to know regardless, it’ll totally be obvious. Besides that, I’m sure their are thousands of other girls that probably want to do the same thing but are scared of going through with it &/or being judged. “It’s natural for women to have breasts & therefore natural to want them when they don’t have any.” (Jill Blow) I want to inspire them to feel like it is ok to want to feel better about themselves with whatever their insecurities might be.. More girls should feel good about wanting to feel better about themselves. Instead of being treated as if they’re “fake.”
A few days ago, Mike & I did our first photo shoot since my surgery. With make up on, I stood in front of the mirror with the biggest smile across my face. I looked & felt so curvy, so feminine. I had finally become a woman. I felt so confident during my shoot, like I looked good at every angle.
And the happiness is REAL.
And the confidence is REAL.
And when you are confident & happy, that is when you truly start to find yourself.
And that is REAL.
So go ahead, pin me to the cross & lay it on me on how “fake” I am for getting breast implants. But, I’ve never felt more feminine in my entire life, and that is 100% REAL.
I really wanted to give a HUGE THANK YOU to my girl Jill Blow for giving me the confidence to move forward with this! It really did change my life(: